I’m snow and cold-bound, so have way more time than usual. Unfortunately, I haven’t been writing as much as I’d like.
I have struggled with the form I want my writing to take. At one point, I was researching a novel. Then I thought a family history memoir was what I wanted to do. I wrote every day, about 5000 words a week, and ended up with pieces of a novel (maybe 100 pages) and of a memoir (about 200 pages).
A lot of the memoir had to do with my breast cancer experience, but I really don’t want to publish that. I don’t think it would be very marketable, because it seems like everyone and her sister has published something about going through breast cancer. Surgery, chemo, radiation. Blah, blah, blah. It sucks. What can I say about that that is different?
I ran out of steam in the 5000 words a week in the summer of 2012 and never really got back into it. What I did do was start handwriting in a spiral notebook, as Natalie Goldberg suggests in Writing Down the Bones. Just writing practice. With no goals. I have been able to keep that practice up, not every day, but most days. I have five notebooks of gobbledygook now–the random stuff that goes through my head when I wake up in the morning, when I have to wait for my daughter at some activity, or when I’m struggling to get focused on something–anything! I find that getting the crap out of my head onto the page somehow helps.
So I’ve been struggling with form. I have all of this raw material, that is written but disorganized rambling. When I looked at it, though, I realized that I have about 90-100 pages of my relationship history. In all its gory details. Letting my ex-husband move in the day after I met him. Meeting a guy while driving on the highway, while I was pregnant as a single mom by choice. Internet dating off and on for nearly 10 years. Meeting someone between chemo and radiation, while bald and boobless, and breaking up while on a cruise to celebrate the end of treatment. Giving away my cat and dog because a boyfriend was allergic to them, only for him to fail to understand how having had cancer affected my parenting. Meeting someone wonderful, knowing my patterns, thinking I wasn’t following them, but realizing later that I hadn’t come as far as I’d thought.
Seeing that I’m currently single, without plans to change that status, it seems like shaping my past relationships and what I’ve learned from them into a memoir would be helpful to see where I’ve gone wrong, and so that I don’t make the same mistakes should I ever decide to try it again.
In the fall of 2013, I wrote in my journal that my goal was to have a final draft done by the end of 2014. I started working with what I have, and hit a wall. I started editing, then did nothing for weeks, or even more than a month. But I did come up with a process.
For each chapter, I will:
A- Edit on paper.
B-Make a list of additional scenes I need. I tend to write much more easily in essay form than in novel form, with scenes, so that is what I need to add.
C- Write the additional scenes, in a notebook or using Write or Die.
D- Type in the edits.
So after the new year, I made up a schedule. I’ve listed the 12 chapters I have, which vary in length from 2 or 3 pages to 19 pages. I’ve given myself goal finish dates for each chapter, generally depending on how long each one is. As I get each stage done–A,B, C, or D, I list it next to the chapter with a checkmark.
My goal is to be done with this draft by June 1, 2014. I’ll rest for a couple of weeks, and then re-evaluate. I think the next step will be to work with the plot and narrative form, because I tend to work more in summary or essay. Essay is fine, but it is not a memoir.
And by telling the blogosphere my plans, I have accountability. I just finished edits to Chapter 2. The goal to finish Chapter 3 is January 19, 2014. Feel free to ask how I’m doing!